Living With Shadows

7 1/2 Inches 

39×39 inches, Oil on canvas 2002

物體因為任何光線所產生的陰跟影是我在紐約時期所重視的焦點　所以　由此可知　畫面中的元素將會由單一的”物"擴張成複雜的"氛圍" 原來的Object因而變成一種藝術表現手法上的synecdoche(提喻) 　畫中的mundane objects提喻日常生活中的banality 與周圍的大氣連結在一起　而不再只是單純且記錄性的描寫　對寫實主義而言　是脫離傳統的客觀再製　而走向更明顯並具個人看法的藝術表現　簡而言之　就是我所謂的Poetic Realism

Who Are You? 

32×56 inches ,Oil on canvas 2002

Little Bag 

32×39 inches, Oil on canvas 2002

The End 

44×74 inches, Oil on canvas 2002

Rest 

42×60 inches, Oil on canvas 2002

Rivers 

50×52 inches, Oil on canvas 2002



紐約畫家的寂寞獨白

Dear Mom

 上圖　Dear Mom, oil on canvas, 32X32 inches, 2002

我在Junction Blvd.的地鐵站上等候七號列車，前往曼哈頓的工作室，昨天的一場暴風雪滿滿地覆蓋住月台，一個女清潔工穿著厚重的灰色大衣，手握著大鐵鏟，正賣力地在寒風刺骨的月台上將厚厚的積雪鏟到一旁，以免候車的乘客在匆忙上下車時滑倒而發生意外；她不疾不徐、來來回回推著雪塊，神情專注地就像一名裝置藝術家，絲毫不為月台上熙來攘往的人群所影響，還輕快地哼著黑人藍調，彷彿月台就是她的舞台，此刻，我看到的不只是一個能自得其樂的工作人，同時也被她敬業而虔誠的態度所感動…。

 

不起眼的事物，最深沉的思緒

走出地鐵站，在街角買了一杯咖啡、兩個apricot scone到自己的工作室開始一天的工作；工作室光線充足、空間寬敞，足以完成巨幅的畫作，而這個空間就完全與地鐵車廂或外界的截然不同，它純粹是一個屬於自我對話的地方，需要不斷地從回憶或經驗中反芻，透過畫布還原抽象的個人情感於現實世界裡。其實，整個創作的過程並不十分容易，因為你必須要虔誠地面對自己，尋找內心最真實的聲音；為了找到自己的personal voice，我開始關注身邊的事物，一些不起眼但又曾經出現在我生命中的mundane object，即使是一張殘破的小紙片，也會讓我有無限的聯想，也許它曾經是一對情侶的海誓山盟，也許它記憶著對已逝親人的深深思念。
「Dear Mom…」是我在紐約第一次個展的其中一張作品，我的母親在我赴美的前一年因癌症去世，這是我人生中最傷心的一件事，在紐約最初的半年期間，時常都會夢見她的形影，醒來時才發現淚水早已讓枕頭浸濕，我真的渴望能親口跟她述說或分享好多事情，可是那已經是不可能的了，所以我畫了一張信紙，上面滿是我對她的思念，藉著風的傳遞請在天堂的母親別再為我牽掛…。 紐約是一個絕對適合發現自我的城市，因為處處所呈現的盡是鮮明的個人主義與風格，尤其以藝術而言，不論任何形式的表現，皆能在此發出個人獨特的聲音，並找到屬於自己的觀眾；藝術家不靠媚俗的作品，更能博得大眾的掌聲! 這算是我思想上的蛻變，重新思考自己真正想要的東西，完全屬於自己的品牌。

You can transfer to everything

每天前往工作室的途中經常會遇見一隻流浪狗四處覓食，在美國流浪動物是非常罕見的，除了同情牠失去主人的關愛之外，也聯想到自己不也是正在這裡尋找自己想要的嗎? 「137^th St.」其實就是自我的寫照，形單影隻漫步在幽暗的街頭，模糊的形體暗示著即將面對的是不可測的未來…。

一個人在紐約的生活，很奢侈也很簡單，簡單的是思考及創作就已經佔據了大半的時間。奢侈的是永遠有看不完的畫廊和藝術品、各式各樣最新奇的玩意兒，還有不知道什麼時候會突然發生在自己身上的各種可能性。有一次搭1號列車，當列車停妥在Time Square (時代廣場)的月台時，車掌照例會廣播告知乘客所能轉乘的各個路線，而那率性的車掌老兄卻說：”….42^nd St. Time Square…you can transfer to everything…stand away the closing door….” (42街與時代廣場到了…你可以在這轉換所有你想要的，請注意即將關閉的車門)，當時所有乘客都會心一笑，這個世界不就是充滿了各種機會與可能嗎?

(圖文載於2003.2.1 CHEERS – 紐約 強人的金銀島)

下圖 137th St., oil on canvas, 44X80 inches, 2002



留住記憶深處的永恆

創作是一種詮釋生命的方式，有人以文字表達，有人以影像展現，我用畫花串連童年與今時，留住記憶深處的永恆…

文／宋曉明2001年9月 Cheers雜誌

 上小學的前一年，每天一大早我都會跟著媽媽騎著鐵馬上工去，也許她是怕我一個人在家不小心掉進水缸裡，或是玩火柴把房子給燒了，所以總是將我緊緊地拴在她的身旁。

進入美麗花世界
我的童年大部份是在工廠旁那一大塊荒廢的空地上度過，別小看那塊有三座籃球場大小般的空地，我所累積對植物的常識及經驗，甚至日後對於品嚐果實的甜度、色澤與水份的自信可都是由此而來。　
　空地的四周堆積了許多廢棄物，大部份是大理石塊，置身其中彷彿一座堅固的堡壘，各種不知名的野生植物，自石縫間竄出而蓬勃發展，其中最令我印象深刻的是一種會結出暗紫色果子的植物，它的高度約五、六十公分，果實的大小約為玻璃彈珠的三分之一，甜中帶酸，酸中帶甜，在陽光下就像一顆顆紫色的珍珠，散發出誘人的色澤，我已不記得結成果實之前曾經綻放或白或黃的小花，印象中只有它的滋味，應是當時的視覺記憶，不如味覺的經驗吧！

畫花初體驗
第一次畫花是在一群工作中的歐巴桑腳邊開始的。春夏季節我喜歡在草地品嚐甜果，認識各樣植物，到了十二月，植物都進入冬眠期，我只得在工廠裡消磨漫長的時間。當時因為是按件計酬，所以媽媽們在工作時都充分把握時間，右手緊緊握著沉重的電動刻刀，一個個描著馬車、花朵圖案的大理石煙灰缸在左手流轉，而嘴巴也沒閒著，「嘿！妳先生昨暝去賭是贏多少啊？」「聽阿娥說隔壁阿喜囡查某跟人跑了！」「我跟妳講喔！不要再向別人講是阿娥報我知......」對我而言，那些風花雪月是不可預知的未來。

她們一面工作，一面開講，當中還可以感受到一股競爭的暗流洶湧著，通常小孩子的學業成績最容易拿出來「立決高下」。談笑間，一朵朵牡丹層次分明地在手中的大理石瓶上綻放時，真是教人讚嘆不已，有時因為偶爾的失誤，多刻了一條弧線，她們總可以輕易地讓那一條弧線成了另一朵花，我對其之崇高敬意更不用說了！
　漸漸地，我開始拿粉筆在地上試著模倣花瓶上的圖樣，從一朵花變成兩朵花，從兩朵變四朵......，歐巴桑們開始注意到我這個老是趴在地上的「天才」，因為，當她們起身上廁所的時候，都要先低頭看一下，可別踩到我的手，又毀了我的「精心傑作」。當然，我不是為了蒐集她們的小道流言，或是緩和緊張的工作氣氛而時常蹲在其座位四周，因為地板是我所能找到作畫的理想場所，重要的是，也因此博得一些讚美和零食，同時為媽媽在「小孩學業成績」這一競賽項目中扳回一城。
　那片草地、那個工廠，一個是寂靜、一個是吵雜，同時伴我走過童年的光陰，有時回想起來，心頭都會飄過一縷淡淡的哀愁。小時候對於花的概念及印象，大多伴隨著它的顏色和味道，後來，才逐漸明白，原來花的生命是那樣地脆弱且短暫。人們為了時時能瞻仰它最美、最燦爛的花容，無不以各種形式讓它出現在日常器皿、衣帽、桌巾，甚至馬桶上。

以畫花歌頌生命的永恆
在詩人泰戈爾（Rabindranath Tagore,1861-1941）的筆下，花兒純潔而無聲的軀殼中，經常蘊含著敏感、多情的靈魂（註1）。我期待自己的作品也像一首抒情詩，一個筆觸、一個塊面，便能代表萬語千言。

小時候畫花只是好玩，現在畫花，是它讓我深覺生命是如此地匆促，且如此地卑微，教我熱切地想用自己的方式歌頌那看似短暫，卻是記憶深處的永恆。在這片廣大的泥土上，有一些不知名的花也曾經美麗地綻放，只是我沒有看過，甚至沒有人知道。人的世界是否如此？在為世人所知之前，就早已枯萎凋零了。詩人鄭愁予這麼詮釋生命：　

滑落過長空的下坡，我是熄了燈的流星　
正乘夜雨的微涼，趕一程赴賭的路　
待投擲的生命如雨點，在湖上激起一夜的迷霧　
夠了，生命如此的短，竟短得如此的華美！
　偶然間，我是勝了，造物自迷於錦繡的設局　
畢竟是日子如針，曳著先濃後淡的彩線　
起落的拾指之間，反繡出我偏傲的明暗　
算了，生命如此之速，竟速得如此之寧靜！（註2）



註1. The night's flower was late when the morning kissed her, she shivered and sighed and dropped to the ground.-----Stray Birds.

註2. 鄭愁予（1933-）的作品----生命（1956）

Zephyr

                                             

Oil on canvas, 2006

Canvas

Oil on canvas, 2005/2006

Poetic Realist Art

Dawn 是我幾張對抒情寫實的看法其中一張作品

半抽象的背景　與前景和諧的線條(膠帶)互相襯托

我並不想賣弄寫實的絕技

只是簡單自我日常生活當中　我的畫室裡尋找一些不起眼的材料

而加以描寫

因為　我相信　再簡單不過的東西也會有它美的一面

甚至也能經過藝術家的想法而產生一些詩意的美感

It is not about what to paint, but how to paint.

孤獨的詮釋

I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time.
To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating.
I love to be alone.
I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows. The really diligent student in one of the crowded hives of Cambridge College is as solitary as a dervish in the desert.
The farmer can work alone in the field or the woods all day, hoeing or chopping, and not feel lonesome, because he is employed; but when he comes home at night he cannot sit down in a room, at the mercy of his thoughts, but must be where he can "see the folks", and recreate, and as he thinks remunerate himself for his day's solitude; and hence he wonders how the student can sit alone in the house all night and most of the day without ennui and "the blues"; but he does not realize that the student, though in the house, is still at work in his field, and chopping in his woods, as the farmer in his, and in turn seeks the same recreation and society that the latter does, though it may be a more condensed form of it.

(These paragraphs are in 'Walden", Henry D. Thoreau, 1971, p.136)



我發現大部份時間保持孤獨是有益處的.　
與人為伴,　即使是最好的伙伴,　那伙伴關係不久也會變得厭倦無趣.
我愛獨處.
我從未找到比孤獨更為可伴的伴侶;
在我們外出擠身在人群裡時,　常常是比我們留在自己房間裡時,　更覺孤獨.
不管身在何處,　當一個人思想或工作時,　他總是孤獨的.
孤獨是不能以人與人之間的空間距離來衡量的.
住在劍橋學院蜂窩似宿舍的那個真正用心的學生,　和處身在沙漠中的那個托缽僧一樣孤獨;　農人竟日在田裡或林裡工作,　鋤草伐木,　而不覺孤獨.　因為那是他在工作的緣故,　但日入以後回到家裡,　卻不能在室中獨坐,　由於胡思亂想,　不得安寧,　必須找個能看見人的地方消遣消遣,　以酬償其日間的孤獨;　因而他會驚奇,　為什麼那個學生能整天整夜獨坐在屋裡面而不覺無趣與沮喪,　然而,　他不知道,　那個學生雖然是在屋裡,　卻仍是在他的田裡耕種,　在他的林裡伐木,　就像這農人在他的田裡工作一樣,　而且工作以後,　也要像農人一樣,　找點消遣,　找點社交,　只是這種社交消遣的方式較為收縮而已.


亨利　大衛　梭羅(1817~1862)　是我最崇敬的思想家,散文家,及自然主義大師.
當我們急於探索和學習一切的同時　我們總希望一切都神秘而未被人發現　希望陸地和海洋
永遠原始　因為奧秘　而使我們無法測度


～梭羅

Living With Shadows

‘Everything has its own shadow even if in the darkest space which can’t be recognized. Sometimes shadows are just like the memory, appearing clearly or indistinctly. One thing I believe is that shadows can’t be eliminated from the object, unless the object vanished into the air.’

My childhood is my “shadow”. At the time I always unaccompanied in childhood and the person who was most close to me was my mother. She was an operator in a marble factory. I went with her everyday but was not allowed to disturb her job. Therefore, I got plenty of time for myself. At the time, I was five years old and isolated. Actually, I do not consciously know why my childhood has transformed with this invisible effect later. It is gradually becoming a significant influence on the process of my creation. I came from Taipei, a big city like New York, where I feel loneliness even in the crowds of people. I have a number of friends, but I would rather quiet than noisy and always keep a safe distance from them. I treated them with respect, that’s the real meaning of distance for me. Although I feel distance is not the most important key to maintaining a friendship. I observe everything carefully from a distance, and pay attention to it. It’s a benefit for me when I had academic training from 1984 to 1994. During that time I painted landscapes and portraits and began to know about some western artists like, Michelangelo, Rembrandt, Millet, Pissarro, Degas and Van Gogh. Several years into my studies I was delighted to also learn about Giacometti, Anselm Kiefer, Gerhard Richter and Antonio Lopez. I was very excited to see their works in some albums because of the way they explore varied patterns of personal language. This is very important for an artist during the process of learning how to develop the personal voice.


Before 2000, the year I left my country to come to New York, I was still doing impressionistic, romantic and mystical styles of painting. Once in New York, the capital of art, I felt like a stranger. Different cultures, different language and a different atmosphere; I automatically felt isolated. In my first year in New York, I had difficulty to paint with confidence. I felt bitter and was suffering at the time. I made some “flower” paintings. But when I look back and review those paintings now, they kind of reveal a secure feeling. Because I am confident painting realistically, I have quite a clear concept of how I want things represented. In the conception, to see what’s wrong, this is so difficult. To make it right is easy. For instance, in realistic painting, there are lots of principles for a painter like me to make a beautiful or popular painting that had been done before by other artists. But it’s hard to create different ideas that include both technique and concept from the history of art and a personal voice. However, I am totally dissatisfied with the “flower” series, because what I intended to represent, the ideas of “beauty” or “elegancy”, the flower was already a beautiful vision by itself. So the question I have to ask myself was what’s the critical meaning of beauty that I have to probe into?
Then I realized, every thing could be beautiful, depending on how it is represented. After that, I painted “Chair”. The lonely chair occupies the whole scale, and then I exaggerated and simplified the chair with black color. The light behind it and the shadow implies the idea of isolation. The purple conveys the feeling of ominous and also makes a harmonious quality with the black lonely chair. For me, it is one kind of beautiful pattern. Even though the chair is not usually considered “a thing of beauty”, I feel it could be an attractive theme through my personal representation. Light and shadow are important characters in my paintings because they deliver a significant element – the ambiance of loneliness. What about the ambiance? I think it is particularly about the “individual atmosphere”. I hope to especially express   personal sensitivity and experience through my work and motivate the viewer to feel the same mood that I convey perhaps he/she does not regard it from daily life. Take my painting “Who Are You?” for another example. A lone cat stands still in the dark. The long shadow emphasizes the feeling of loneliness and the dark color suggests a dull space where the people might not noticed before. I really like it because I have a cat who always keeps a safe distance from me while making his personal observations. And so do I.


After “Who Are You?” I was excited and started to discover some ideas from mundane objects, which I hadn’t noticed before. Those ideas definitely related to my   experiences and memories. When I recalled them and represented them onto the canvas, I felt just like my cat observing something from a safe distance. In both “Dear Mom…” and “Little Bag”, I was concerned about the scale as well as the color. I preferred not to put too many different colors for each subject, because I considered them the mood of loneliness. The feeling was emphasized by a monochromatic or neutral color that would supply a different kind of atmosphere in the painting. If I represented the subject with real color, then it would turn into a real object or portrait. In doing so the real color would evoke the preconception of the audience’s experience and the mood of loneliness or isolation would be reduced simultaneously as they became aware of the real color. Then the subject became nothing but a portrait. As another important element, the scale definitely influences the subject matter. The effect is according to the proportion of subject matter in relation to the size of the canvas. I reserve more empty spaces around the subject; hence the audience can feel more of a sense of loneliness.
In this group of paintings, I used a lot of blurring to dim the images, making the subject matter become more intriguing or unbelievable and represent the ideas of memories of mundane life. The blurring makes the subject out of focus and blends it with the empty space that surrounds. Therefore, the audience can catch a sense of atmosphere at first and then think about something farther. In “137th St.”, “Rivers”, “7 1/2 inches” and “Springs”, this conveys my ideas. In “Rivers”, the viewers have different opinions. Because the urinal had been represented by M. Duchamp or other artists and carried an established concept in art history. But for me, the convenient function of the urinal is more important than its position in art history because it is something I use every day. Its symbolism is the same as the other mundane subjects and I just like to represent it in an aesthetic way. In “Rivers”, the urinal seems to be installed in a public place and surrounded by an ambiguous atmosphere. The audience not only perceives the space between the urinal and themselves, but also regards themselves as a part of this specific place that relates to the mood of isolation and real experience. The blurred image conveys the feeling of unbelievable, which emphasizes the idea of loneliness. It seems out of focus, as if the participant is thinking about something else, or is preoccupied. The “Springs” represents the same idea. The empty space of surrounding the sink, which is big enough to become an environment, and the audience, is not necessary to step up. You may feel you can enter it. Hence, you become aware of your own environment and become a participant. That sense that you are there yourself, a participant – rather than merely being a spectator.


Maybe it’s the experience of a lonely childhood, which became a mysterious shadow in my life. I hardly have interest in humans. It is not easy to have such spiritual interaction between people and me. That’s why the human figures seldom show up in my works. It’s my character. Sometimes we could be moved by a piece of paper or a dying rose, because they conjure up a lot of images for the viewer. In “Rest” and “The End”, both of them intend to express the feeling of atmosphere as well. The chair in “Rest”, is in my studio, and always braces me up when I am exhausted. But it sits alone with its shadow, when it is taking a break. It seems like me. In “The End”, a wall of my studio, the empty space embraces the little pieces of papers. While the audience looks into the painting, attracted by details, the neutral color and blurred marks suggest a distance between the viewer and the wall. The emptiness creates particular environment and implies something beyond the object. And the emptiness drops a hint of sadness. It’s an intimate conversation with each mundane subject through my painting. That is not necessary to have real words with them at all. Each of them brings its own story behind itself, just like its shadow. They are always together.


This thesis was accompanied with my solo exhibition at Compton-Goethals Gallery - New York, Dec.2002


The painting is "Yesterday", oil on canvas, 127cmX203cm, 2005

生命

滑落過長空的下坡，我是熄了燈的流星
正乘夜雨的微涼，趕一程赴賭的路
待投擲的生命如雨點，在湖上激起一夜的迷霧
夠了，生命如此的短，竟短得如此的華美 !

偶然間，我是勝了，造物自迷於錦繡的設局
畢竟是日子如針，曳著先濃後淡的彩線
起落的拾指之間，反綉出我偏傲的明暗
算了，生命如此之速，竟速得如此之寧靜 !

鄭愁予(1933~)

是我喜歡的詩人
這首'生命'收錄在其詩集(1951-1968)